It took me three weeks to buy tickets to Saw the Musical

I wanna play a game

The Alleyway Theatre, Fever Tickets, and Saw the Musical: The Unauthorized Parody of Saw

Good Time Rating: 5 out of 5 severed right feet

Accessibility Rating - Fever: 1 out of 5 AI bots

Accessibility Rating - Alleyway: 4 out of 5 unnecessary emails

Accessibility Rating - Saw: 5 out of 5 blood-splattered seats

8/23/26

Buffalo, NY

It took me three weeks to buy tickets to Saw the Musical at The Alleyway Theatre in Buffalo.

It all started like it would with any able-bodied person - I saw the Facebook ad for Saw the Musical: The Unauthorized Parody of Saw so many times that I could no longer resist buying tickets (that's how they get ya). It was campy, gay, and blood-soaked, all things that enormously appealed to me as a bisexual theatre kid who's obsessed with horror movies.

The ad led me to Fever, the ticketing website being used by the show. Tickets ranged from around $30 for the cheap seats to $100+ for the front row Splash Zone I only wished I could afford.

Power chair: Not to be used in rain, snow, or... blood showers?

This is where my experience buying tickets vs. an able-bodied person's began to... differ...

There were no accessible seats marked on the seating chart, because of course there weren't. Off I went to The Alleyway's website, where I found the accessibility section under Box Office - Plan Your Visit - Accessibility Needs. https://www.alleyway.com/box-office/visit

I wish I had taken a screenshot when I did, because this is NOT what it said back in July.

What I saw instead was a message about how the theater and restrooms were fully accessible (true!), and that I should contact the box office with questions. Looks like they've changed it for the better now. (I can't imagine why...)

So, I emailed the box office. They said that Saw was an outside production that had rented their space, and therefore The Alleyway could not help me. They suggested contacting Fever.

I have the receipts

So, I contacted Fever. Did some back and forth with an AI that thought "companion seat" (meaning the seat next to the wheelchair seat) meant I was trying to get a free ticket for my caregiver. Eventually they told me to purchase two random tickets, show up the day of the show, and ask to be moved to accessible seating. I mean, I've done this before. Sometimes we get moved to accessible seats. Sometimes those seats are already sold. It's a coin flip, and it's ridiculous they had no better options.

Have I mentioned how much I hate AI?

So, I contacted Saw the Musical. Found the show's Facebook page and shot them a message. Got a response back from Melissa the Production Supervisor, who assured me, "I will personally make sure we get you into our trap... I mean, show." I have to say here - it's great that Saw the Musical's team booked an accessible theater, though that is a pretty low bar to clear. But Melissa making it her personal mission to get me into this show in between getting the set built and hanging lights - that demonstrates real commitment on the show's part to disability access.

So, anyway, Melissa contacted The Alleyway and... The Alleyway fixed my problem. They blocked off two seats in the front row, told me to buy my tickets, and then they switched my seats with the seats they'd blocked. It took three weeks, 11 emails, one threat of calling a disability lawyer, and contacting the producers of the show just for The Alleyway to do what they should have done the first time I emailed them.

Meanwhile, Fever never managed to successfully solve my issue. I eventually got a too-little-too-late email telling me which remaining seats were accessible (front row, splash zone), so I could pick those on their website. Here's an ADA fun fact: It's not legal to charge more for accessible seating/hotel rooms/etc. What that means is if there are $30 tickets, but the only accessible seats are $100, I have a legal right to only pay $30. It's not my fault their cheap seats aren't accessible. That's The Alleyway and Fever's problem. I emailed them again the day after the show to explain this, and as of one week I've received no response.

I also got zero response from The Alleyway when I asked why they didn't just solve my issue in the first place. Weeks of emails back and forth, and now I only get crickets.

This all felt especially damning when we got into the theater and found out ALL THEIR SEATS ARE MODULAR! Removable chairs sitting on removable risers. The entirety of the front row sat on the floor. Take away one chair, and I could have parked in any of those 15 seats.

It should not have been this hard.

I was hoping to have something witty or clever to say about this mess of an experience, but honestly, that's all I've got. I deserve to buy tickets to a show just like anyone else can. It should not have been this hard. And now Fever and The Alleyway can't even be bothered to apologize for it. I don't have any other words to say.

But on a MUCH lighter note, let's talk about Saw. Because I fucking loved Saw.

Grand Guignol is a lesser-known style of play harkening back to a tiny Parisian theater in 1897. While other theaters treated their performances as high art, the Grand Guignol packed 'em in the aisles every night with shows focused on the depravity of human nature. Under the direction of the owner, Max Maurey, they did five or six short plays a night, alternating the horror shows with raunchy comedies to heighten dramatic effect. They did special effects no one had ever seen before, and the people who did see them frequently passed right the fuck out. We're talking squibs galore - actors with scissors stabbed through their eyes, spraying blood onto the audience. Graphic brain surgery depicted on stage. A chisel hammered into a man's head. And for every audience member who walked out in disgust, there were a dozen more clamoring to see even more depravity (and getting busy in the theater's private boxes).

I don't know why I've gone off on this tangent except to say that Max Maurey would have adored Saw the Musical.

Nobody in this show was aiming for high art. The three actors, who primarily played Jigsaw, Dr. Lawrence Gordon, and Adam, were all great, but not exceptional. The songs were not particularly memorable. There were poop jokes galore. The part of Dr. Gordon's affair partner was played by a sex doll with extremely questionable anatomy. And I've never had more fun.

Somebody in the props department should either be thanked or admonished for how gross this toilet looks

The story followed the plot of the first Saw movie with surprising fidelity, except for the part where Adam and Gordon were explicitly horny for each other. (I like to think they were subtly horny for each other in the original, but that's just my interpretation.) The three actors stepped in to handle all the other roles, with Jigsaw's actor also playing Amanda Young, and Adam's doing a memorable turn as Gordon's ugly daughter. It all managed to walk the fine line between poking fun at the Saw franchise as a whole and paying real homage to it.

Also, the merch table sold tiny adorable squeaky pigs, which we were encouraged to squeak during the song, "Pig in a Wig."

Her name is Oinkerbell and I would die for her

I love horror movies. It's basically a hobby of mine. As the night owl in the family, I make a habit of staying up past everyone else's bedtime and watching scary movies alone in the dark. I'll never be able to explain what it is about the macabre that I find fascinating, but at least I know I'm in good company. From Roman gladiators, to public executions, to the Grand Guignol Theatre, to the groundbreaking gratuitous violence of Saw, as a species we've always been drawn to violence. Maybe it's something primal in us that makes us want to pay money to see Saw the Musical.

Or maybe the show's just really, really funny.